Grief and Time as a Healer

It takes time to heal. How often do we hear that phrase in relation to grief? Having gone through many stages of grief following the death of my daughter, I continually questioned the reasoning behind that statement. How much time? How long do we need to wait before we know we have been healed?
If I’d sat around waiting for that illusive moment, I doubt there would be much of a person left, now. For me, the passing of time did change the way I coped with my grief, but even now, I don’t see it as a great healer. It was more to do with coming to terms with the finality of her death. This was something no-one else could help me with. Not a family member, nor friend and definitely not a counsellor, no matter how concerned they were for me.

I’m not sure who writes the stuff to help someone through grief – especially, learning to live with the grief of losing a child. I’ve only ever read a few things written by someone who has lived it. I am certain I’ve never read anything that has made me sit up and say, hey, I feel better now, thank you, I’m healed.      

What does comes, given the right amount of time, is an acceptance of the way you are feeling and may continue to feel for some time into the future. It is knowing that there is no, one thing, you can do that will instantly take away your pain. As wonderful as it is to have the support from people who care about you, they will not be able to take away your grief.

Following the initial shock, those first days after our daughter had died, it was Emily’s father who gave me the strength I needed, to get through each waking moment. Even now, after all this time, whenever I feel myself slipping into the chasm of internal grief, I am reminded of his words. Remember to breathe and put one foot in front of the other.